Remembering Biyer!

The big brother I never had 

When we lived in Austin, Biyer was much more than a close friend to Shwetha and me. He was the big brother I never had. He had a presence about him. Poised, well educated, always well dressed, and very much his own person. He was sharp in his arguments and particular about his choices and habits. There was an aura around him, but he was also gentle and kind. You could look up to him and still feel completely at home with him. Shwetha was especially fond of him. They could get into long discussions about politics, religion, or just about anything else. Neither was short of an opinion. Biyer could argue his point intelligently without losing his gentleness. Even when they disagreed, there was affection in the conversation. He had his own enthusiasms too. Costco was certainly one of them. If something new appeared there, there was a good chance Biyer had already bought it. Thinking about that still makes me smile. 

A home we kept going back to 

In those days, we were at Biyer and Anitha’s house almost every evening. It was simply part of our life. Dhwani would play with the huge stuffed cheetah in their house. Biyer would take her around the garden, showing her the trees, the squirrels, and whatever else caught her attention. He gave her his time so naturally. Dhwani and Neel, Salil’s son, had the good fortune of spending their early years with their beloved Biyer uncle. I am so grateful they had that time with him. Biyer and Anitha were wonderful hosts. Their Diwali parties were full of warmth, and everyone felt welcome. Anitha’s happy, positive nature complemented him so well. Together, they made their home a place we all loved coming back to. I distinctly remember all of us watching India win the World Cup at their house. The excitement, the celebration, being surrounded by friends. What a wonderful memory to have. And then there was his cooking. The dum biryani Biyer made was one of the best I have ever eaten. He would spend hours preparing it, building it carefully, layer by layer. The gravy with potatoes, the different varieties of basmati rice, the spices he chose so thoughtfully. Watching him put it all together was watching someone who really knew what he was doing. He was a master in the kitchen. I wish I had spent more time there with him, watching him cook, asking questions, and enjoying those unhurried hours together.

 

All the laughter 

So many memories are coming back now. Birthday dinners and other celebrations at Thai Passion in downtown Austin. Gatherings at Barton Springs and Trudy’s. Evenings when we sat around talking, laughing, and telling stories we had all heard before. Biyer never seemed to tire of some of those stories. There was the one about Dr. Lubana, when Shwetha invited him into our house and the sprinklers ended up soaking his car because the windows were down. Biyer would laugh so hard every time we retold it. Then there was the story involving Shwetha, her computer, the unplugged earphones, and the Urdu sermons and heated debates playing aloud with her boss and colleagues peeping in to see what was wrong with her. Just bringing up that incident would get him laughing again. I can picture his face as he listened, already knowing what was coming and enjoying it all over again. We had so much fun together. When we were leaving Austin, Biyer, Anitha, and several of our friends put together a memory slam book for us. They took us to Mozart’s Coffee, where we spent time reminiscing about all the good times we had shared. I think about the care that went into that farewell now. They gave us something to carry away from Austin, something that held a little of the life we had built together. 

For many of us in Covered Bridge, Biyer was the person we turned to when we needed help. Who should we call to plant trees? Did he know someone reliable to mow the lawn? A good handyman? A contractor we could trust? A realtor who could help rent out a house? Biyer usually had advice, a contact, or a way to help. When I was trying to sell our Austin house, he helped me navigate contractors, realtors, and the many things that needed attention. When our tenants had an air-conditioning problem or a water-heater issue, he was often my first call for immediate assistance. Looking back, I realize how much reassurance there was in knowing he was nearby. Even when I was far away, I had someone I trusted who would help. He did these things without expecting anything in return. That was how he treated people. 

The familiarity of family 

On one trip to Austin to get some work done at our house, I stayed several nights with Biyer and Anitha while his parents were visiting from India. He treated me like a member of the family. His parents reminded me so much of my periappa and periamma in Besant Nagar. Hearing their Malayalam-laden Palghat Tamil, with that familiar accent, took me straight back to visits with my own family and cousins. There was something deeply comforting about being there. I also remember his cousin Sneha visiting us in Austin. The affection between them was so evident. It was lovely to see that closeness and the warmth they shared. My parents and Shwetha’s parents were very fond of Biyer too. He would make time to speak with them, gently asking about their lives and how they were finding their time in the US. They respected him, and they are all so shocked by this news. Today, I keep thinking of his parents. I do not have words for what they must be going through. 

What I wish I had done differently 

The hardest part for me is that I had lost touch with Biyer over the past three years. I had been upset with him over some personal decisions, and I let that become distance between us. Now I wish I had picked up the phone. I wish I had spoken to him instead of letting the silence continue. It is painful to admit that. But it would not feel honest to write about how much he meant to me without acknowledging it. Biyer had his idiosyncrasies too. He could become aloof and did not always feel the need to keep in regular contact. He had little interest in social media or staying connected through Facebook and WhatsApp. Keeping in touch with him took some effort. I wish I had made more of that effort. I don’t remember him carrying animosity toward anyone. He was a good person, and there was so much more to our friendship than anything that had come between us. I wish I had kept that in mind while there was still time to call him. 

The Biyer we will remember 

When he visited California a few years ago, he made it a point to meet all of us. His warmth was still the same. So was his smile, and the lovely way he connected with the children. He had brought gift cards for all six kids he was meeting that day. Such a thoughtful, generous thing to do. Such a Biyer thing to do. That is how I want to remember him. Stopping his car because Dhwani was calling. Walking her around the garden. Spending hours making biryani for friends. Laughing at a familiar story. Helping with a problem at our house. Talking gently with our parents. I wish we had shared more meals, more conversations, and more evenings doing nothing in particular. I wish I had heard that laugh a few more times. His smile and sunny disposition will stay with us. And somewhere in those memories, Dhwani is still at the end of our street, calling, “Biyer Mama! Biyer Mama!” and he is stopping to pick her up. 

Rest in peace, Biyer. We love you. Thank you for the friendship, the kindness, and all those happy years in Austin. There will never be another quite like you. Anitha and Reyansh, you are in our prayers. We love you, and we will be here for you.