C-rappy Cacophony

Thursday, July 29, 2004

God bless America...

Oflate it is not so unusual to find so many of our Indian brethren scattered across all parts of the U.S,particulalry in certain states such as California and Texas.I could very easily foresee a day in the future when the population of desis might overtake the count of even the dogs,bees and holy cows of those states.Within a few years don't be surprised to find some of these things that I list below..All these are my figment of imagination.Bear in mind that the period I assume for such a scenario is around the year 2020..

First lets go through the places..
With Indians wellknown for their passion for nomenclature of places,it wouldn't be surprising to see
1)Shanta-Clara...Due to the increasing count of the 9 yard saree clad Maamis window shopping and bargaining along the roadside vegetable hawkers,the state recognised the need for giving these noble souls their much deserved recognition and dedicated the state's name to Shanta..the first Indian Maami who even came short of winning the governor's seat!

2)Michi-Ganesh..Due to the enormous procession of lord Ganesh that attracted the whole world to converge at Michigan on Vinayakar chaturthi day,the state had to succumb to the Desi junta's claims for renaming their state.They also decided to give the schools and Govt offices holidays for Hanumar Jayanthi and Shankar Dayal sharma Jayanthi..

3)Wiscon-singh..The state made a huge profit by selling flashy turbans alone...the pick of the masses was the playboy rabbit symbol bearing turban.The taxi driver association even came to a resolution that even the american taxi-drivers had to adhere to the uniform dress code of wearing a turban..Santa and Banta jokes were considered racial discrimation and Navjot Singh Siddhu's latest commentry during the NBA final was.."The lakers without Shaq-o-neil is like Pamela without the silicones...Both of them handled the balls well during their play..!"

4)Hari-zona..This state had an overwhelming congregations of ISKON worshippers ,who were even able to convince the african americans to join their tribe,by explaing to them that HARI in sanskrit meant 'Black'.This made many of the Chris andersons to become Krish andhra-sons and Harry Potter to become Hari putthar.

5)South Pakoda..The hot pakoda's sold on the roadside Iyer Bajji/Pakoda stalls in South Dakota bears testimony to this state's name.The stalls even have a low carb menu catering to the obese people of the area.The Iyer maama even came down to including tofu pakoda and chicken pakoda in his menu.The logic ,it seems behind the "vegetarian" chicken pakoda is that the chiken that it is made of, was a pure baradhwaja Gothram vegetarian one which fed only on rice and chapathis.

Now coming to the next major aspect..The food items..

Taco-Mani..the renamed fast food restaurant Taco-bell.Now it is under a new management by Mr.Mani.The burritos have ben changed to currytos with loads and loads of garam masala rich sabjis.

Kay-eff-cee:Kaakinaada fresh chapaathi..The best KFC in the US.Period.

Superstarbucks:Rajinikanth endorses the special blend of pilter coffee served in davaraa.There is all variety of milk..cows milk from NewJersy cows,buffalo's milk from Buffalo-NY,goat milk for the Gandhians,half and half,three quarter and quarter milk etc..

Olive Poonga.."When you are family..your are here!" is their revised caption.Many desis are seen devouring thier Kathrikaa Parmesian!

Miscellaneous aspects of USA2020..

BSA...becomes the official cycle of USA...Lance armstrong endorses the brand and even  wins the "tour de Parry's corner" race in India,for the sixth time continuously.

Mango Frooti is sold in 300 ml cans.They even have a diet frooti and a low carb vareity called F2.

Maruthi Zen completes its 125 million sales in the U.S.100000 miles warranty and a free trip to India is an offer unbeatable.

Infosys buys Microsoft and Bill Gates heads the Indian office.His application for the post the post of Narayanamoorthy's car driver has been rejected.

Maniratnam releases his new Brook Bond movie  titled "The world is not enough for Desis".Captain Vijaykanth,still looking young,acts as special agent Brook Bond and Paris Hilton plays his heroine.

Deva sues Bryan adams for copyright violation for brutally copying his original song "Shock adikuthu Sonaa".

Bangalore has a cap of 6500 visas for U.S based technical job visa applicants.The americans would have to go back to U.S to get their visa stamped and they have to fingerprint,lipprint and even leave their urinary sample for records at the U.S consulate.

Laloo Prasad Yadav teaches animal 'husband'ry at  Harvard.He is stated to have planned on a railway project that extends from Jamshedpur to Jacksonville.

Just as all this is happening,Raapi is seen waiting  in the 'Lunar counsellate' for visa to enter into the Moon.There are hoards of others like him,trying to escape from the desi-dominated parts of the earth!




Posted by rajesh |

Monday, July 26, 2004


Imagine a desi wearing loose ghetto jeans and a red T-shirt driving a black Mazda protege,sporting a french beard,a gold chain around the neck and a dark cooling glass ,going around Austin with his car shakin up n down due to the speakers blaring with this outburst from DMX !!
Yeah thats me...!
Can't follow the lyrics?Here You go dawg....dmx/whowebe
Thats one of my fav songs right back from Texas Tech..:)

Posted by rajesh |

Saturday, July 24, 2004


Since I could not think of anything informative to be conveyed ,I felt I should as usual delve into my favorite subject of nostalgia and talk about some generic stuff which relates to almost everyone.Going with the above thought,I would like to dwell on the subject of 'the effect of having a sibling,a sweet little sister in my case!'.

For a guy like me,I definitely feel,the presence of a sister has always been a pleasure.Although no guy with a sister would come forward and announce to the world abt this openly,everyone would secretly agree that the presence of a female of almost the same age(actually 4 yrs younger in my case) ,has made a world of difference.The subtle nuances about the other gender are very easily learnt and the feeling of compassion and understanding for the other gender increases greatly.The childhood gets spent with silly fights and misunderstandings,which dont last even for a few hours.It is usually the sister who mellows down and agrees for a truce,may be, because of a softer feel of aggression inherent in females and the their own idiosyncratic feeling of being secure and safe with a brother around them.

Sisters generally tend to be more relaxed and do not press much for things.This ,I have noticed many a times in trivial incidents such as:

when my sister has always been forthcoming in sharing her ice-cream with me after I gulp mine quickly and look at her's with a sorry look;

when I used to use up all the hot water in my bucket and ask her for 3 more mugs of the warm and cosy water which would remain in her bucket,which she would generously hand it over to me;

when I used to finish the fried potato on my plate and ask her for a the lonely piece that she would have saved in her plate for a last bite;

when we used to travel in the citybus and I used to fight over for the window seat,she would allow me to sit and agree to sit on my lap ;

when we used to get our favorite tinkle and gokulam copies and I used to fight for reading them first,she would wait till I finished reading the 'kalia the crow' and jokes part;

when my uncle's bike would have space to hold only 1 person for the trip to the shopping center and she would let me ride;

when there used to be 3 pillows left and she used to generously give me 2 of them for me to cuddle;

when she would be ready to part with her quota of the meagre pocket-money(actually money gifted by thaatha/paati when we visited them during hols) for me to buy rubber balls or something so trivial..

When I used to put up a show in front of my friends with my school uniform tie,which actually only she knew to fold and would do it patiently very often..yeah still I don't know :( how to tie a tie!!

When I wouldn't even bother to put my shoes to be washed,she would have put mine with hers to wash and would have even polished it with the kiwi white polish!

When I used to change the tv channel from her fav channel to my stupid espn channel,she would hand over the remote and leave the room for better things to do :(

But I found a sudden change somewhere in the middle a few years ago when we automatically became responsible and started caring for each other without any inhibitions,which basically points to the fact that I started behaving much more maturedly and she continued to behave the same simple yet relaxed way she always was.

Thinking of all these memorable yet simple incidents makes me so nostalgic.I have been so mean to my ltl sister many a times in childhood,but she has always taken them all so easy and I miss her very much!I am just trying to make it up to all that now,being a kind guy and willing to pay her back for all the cool things she has always done and would continue to do!

I am definitely sure that the presence of a sister makes a world of difference!Hats off to you Chitra!Miss you..

p.s:Ofcourse all the above said incidents did not occur the same way 100 % of the time,but atleast 80% of the time it was so..But then cmon..my sister was also a kid then..!!


Posted by rajesh |

Tuesday, July 20, 2004

hmm...naaaalu varusham..chaar saaal..

July 19th/20th..
The smudgy rubber stamp ink on my passport still bears these 2 dates,for it was exactly 4 years ago,I started off from India to the U.S.A.Yeah..!4 long years its been since I left for my M.S,but it has not been so cheerful or memorable as the 4 years that preceded it.That was the good old time I spent at Tanjore during my undergrad study.
Now coming to some realisations and revelations..
I was speaking with my mom few days ago and as I was updating her about few of my collegemates getting married and few girls of my batch settled with their husbands and some even with kids,my mom blurted out that may be it was time they started looking for a bride for me.Pat came the reply from me which kinda put both of us in an awkward situation..I just said,"Amma..I am not sure abt all that..May be next year or later.Also, I am not sure if I want you to look out!".
When amma seemed confused from my reply and started saying,they would look out for the girl best-suited for me,I yet again kinda negated the idea saying.."Amma..seriousaa..I feel we've been away from each other for a long time and I don't think you would have any idea of what my future plans are and also even how I have been all these years,not to mention the fact that you are clueless as to what I might be looking in the propective bride!So..no urgency..Whenever I feel it is appropriate,I shall look out and let you know !"
Amma just digressed from the issue and did not show much interest or concerns , as she,like every other tambram guy's mom, happily assumed that her son was not capable of wooing any girl by himself and it would be the least of all probalities for him to produce a shocker in terms of his girl selection,which unfortunately happened to be true in my case too :((.Even my periodic short utopian stories of hanging out with girls or figments of imaginations of going only for a love marraige,never really concerned them and always ended up in a laughter riot both in the main phone that my mom used to hold and the cordless phone through which my sister used to overhear :(! 
On my part,although the previously mentioned conversation in italics seems to show an iota of arrogance and over-estimation of my capabilities by myself,I felt I had a valid point.Dwelling more upon it in solitude,I just realised that its been around 8 straight years that I have been away from a family based system,i.e,I have been staying by myself,with no one really aware of my day to day activities.My family's opinion about me is solely based on how I portray myself.I dont even have friends who are close enough to my family that they update them about me and my actions.
Sometimes I wonder if I have missed out a lot of happiness having been away from my family and if so,was it something that was thrust upon me or did I myself make way for such a situation to be imposed upon me. Sometimes I also wonder if I am not recognising the freedom and happiness that this solitude life has endowed me with,being away from controlling parents/nagging friends/irritating relatives!Well,this is an issue with an entire gamut of explanations for itself and hence shall be blogged later separately..

Returning to the idea of letting the parents select a girl,I am still not convinced what factors they would look into?What would be their idea about their son?In the 24-25 years of my existence,1/3rd of my life has been spent away from them,1/3rd has been spent with them memorably  and the initial 1/3rd ..I dont even remember anything of that phase!It is not me alone..I know and have heard many friends of mine feeling the same way.Every article about India showers praise for its great family system and arranged marraige system.But then,is it relevant to the current generation of families where the kids seldom get a chance to stay with their parents?
I am sure that every guy who enters the 26-27 year phase goes through these radical ideas,but then its not too long for one to return back to normal state from the excited state.I am reminded of the phone conversation of one of my friends..When his mom and sister tried to pull his leg saying.."Sriram..so hows U.S?Its been 2 years in the most happening land and hope you would have got your girl by now..",Sriram very humbly replied(Read in vivek's tone for maximum effect :)):"Amma..Neenga paatukum en maela ivlo nambika vechundu..Agasmaaaaaaaaatha irunthudaatheengo!vathalo/thothalo..kaanjatho/maenjatho..Neenga paathaa thaan undu!:("
Let me put an end to this directionless blog now.The past 4 years , albeit boring,has been a significant era of my life in terms of my achievements and I should feel happy and give ample credits to my parents and wellwishers who have always been of great moral support.I should also give kudos to myself for having been choa chweet..chamathu..good2many and bad2none for the most part:)!

Posted by rajesh |

scarface or starface??Guess who this is.. Posted by Hello
Here is the link to the answers for these pics.I had a great time,playing around with their faces..thou shall enjoy too ...Lets unravel the inherent kiddish mentality in us:))
If you have somemore time to kill and wanna disfigure somemore celebs..Go to http://www.ebaumsworld.com/celebtrans.html 

Posted by rajesh |

whozdat with Mr.Hung?? Posted by Hello

Posted by rajesh |

Thursday, July 15, 2004


If the world had no internet and search engines like Google...

1) Cameron diaz ,the overhyped hollywood actress might have not been known to millions of people all around the world,who are dying to learn about the latest gossip about her nude videos circulating around and even searching harder to get to the video itself!

2) So many people would have thought that tour de france was just a tour of France on bicycles,for crazy Americans so passionate about cycling that they are ready to sport yellow strips of plastic even to Business meetings.

3) No one would have known keira knightley and her generosity in going nude for "King Arthur",the stupid reason being "Historically, the Picts and Celts fought naked"!

4) Many would have died without knowing that the word jeopardy is something more than just a synonym for "risk",but a popular quiz show garnering high ratings in the U.S.A!

5) World would had to wait for a few more years to hear the name of jenna bush , probably as a senator or even the president of the U.S.A and not many would have come to know the real facts about this alcoholic girl of the president!

6) Little would be known about irresponsible spoil brats and drug addicts like
eric douglas , son of Kirk Douglas and brother of Michael Douglas who died recently..

7) People would have been fooled by over-priced airlines and would have not had a chance to fly on jet blue flights which offer tickets at 50% of the normal fares..

8) Stupid so-called comedy movies like anchorman might not have been popular among the crazy movie crazy masses.

9) I wouldn't have felt sympathetic at people like ken jennings who had to win Jeopardy quiz show ,32 times to win 1 million,while ther were the Joe millionaires and the crazy whores of other Reality shows winning the millions with no use of theirotherwise non-existant brains.

10) Nobody would have known that my company AMD is an ardent supporter of lance armstrong and his foundation for Cancer cure!

Finally,If you are confused as to why I suddenly spoke of such random personalities/terms,here is the reason.
These are the most searched words in Google for the past week,all around the world : http://www.google.com/press/zeitgeist.html

Posted by rajesh |

Wednesday, July 14, 2004

Akshaya Paathram

For the last one hour,I have wrestled against the vessels in my sink.I wash them around twice a week and still they tend to accumulate in a vigorous pace,competing with the pile on my laundry basket.
I have heard of the term Akshaya Paathrams..."Thaeka Thaeka..vidaama mulaikara ennai,pisukadanja paathrams.." Is that what it means?

The fear of washing vessels have sometimes satiatated my hunger.Wonder how?I sometimes look at the sink and then at the stove..A small bulb,like in the cartoons,comes up in my mind and the thoughts of washing the vessels suppresses my urge to cook and I just drink a glass of "Mango Nectar" and go to "Ananthasayanam"..
By the way..heres a picture of me with the dirty dishes;)

Akshaya Paathrams n Raapi! Posted by Hello

Posted by rajesh |

Sunday, July 11, 2004

Ce'st moi..Testing 'Hello' --> Posted by Hello

Posted by rajesh |

Thursday, July 08, 2004


This is just a recollection from my childhood.Nothing interesting in it.Just a few observations worth remembering!

The daily rendezvous
Venue:Seaview apartments terrace
Members:Unofficial Assocn of atleast 5 maami's with a rolling membership each evening.

With the evening breeze laden with moisture blowing from the east,the mosquitoes from the cooum river at the back of the flat used to have a tough time flying against the wind and getting stationed on the ladies,well-seated on the cement slabs of the terrace.The worst of these progressively noisy mosquitoes' problems was to find their gaps amidst the cotton sarees that the maamis draped themselves with and even if they were lucky to find their spot,they had to make sure it wasn't covered with a meticulously applied coat of Odomos!They had little chance to devour upon the blood of the kids playing on the terrace as they were hard to be found stationary for more than a second, amidst their hide n seek and lock n key games!

Every evening,the routine was perfectly followed without any deviation from the normal.At around 4.15 pm,the autorickshaws and the schoolbuses dropped the kids,all of whom seemed as if they were returning from a hard-fought war.The boys could be pictured with their trademark soiled clothes,blue-ink marked fingers,sweaty faces,well-chewed tie-ends while the girls had their unplaited locks of hair with missing ribbons,the hairpins sliding to the earlobe area,the oily faces with their bindi wrongly positioned.As soon as the maamis saw their kids,each one of them would get into the evening formalities.For the next few minutes,almost every house was filled with rounds of shoutings and unheard directions regarding the placing of the tiffin box in the sinks,putting the socks in the washing machine,hanging the uniforms in the hangers and washing their faces with soap etc.

Then it was time for the Milk Bikies and banana chips on the plastic plate with a glass of 'well-aathified' warm glass of boost or complan.
Homework was done as a group on the terrace which was split into 3 or 4 sections of gathering based on the age group of the kids and the comeraderie that existed between the maamis.

There were an unwritten constitution that governed these rendezvous.If carefully analysed,it would be easily evident that their was definitely a few components that decided the clique of maamis.Some of the factors were:
1)The floor factor : The first floor ladies would mingle only with their fellow first floor maami or maximum the adjacent floor ladies but never the 4th floor and viceversa.
2)The Age factor : Maamis of the same age or their kids being the same age/class in school flocked together.
3)The status factor : A stinkingly rich maami with sparkling diamond nose studd,Jarugai-bordering saree even for a casual get-together , always had a tough time being accepted in the simple maamis group.
4)The caste factor:It was hard to see the iyer/iyengar sects interact with each other.
5)Miscellaneous:The official language had to be tamil and north-indian ladies were never even looked at.

The maami's never addressed each other with their names.It was always someone's amma..Eg:Roshniamma,Sowmyaamma etc..If the household had 2 kids,the addressing was based on the youngest kid's name and predominance was given to the girls' names,i.e Radhika aunty,who had ritesh and Rohini was never addressed Riteshamma but was only called Roshniamma!

The discussion would start with the morning's cooking followed by the menu for dinner,digressing to the comparison between the cost of vegetables,digressing to the rising cost of Gas,which would lead the way to the criticism of the finance minister for raising the fuel prices and income-taxes.After a few rounds of the general bashing of the politicians and their parties,some maami would promptly bring in a dose of personal boasting about her husband or kid.Here,the nomenclature adopted to address one's husband was unique too.No maami dared to call her husband or her fellow maami's husband by their names.They were diplomatically addressed with the names of their kids - krupa-appa,gowthamappa.There was no dearth of topics for discussion.I cannot remember a single minute of pause during their talks.It was amazing to watch some of them talk at length about a variety of topics ranging from the tamilnadu engineering counselling to the tier 1 U.S universities to the U.S Visa procedure to the funding in the universities.The rate of information transfer was the highest from these discussions.

One hard to forget topic of the discussions was about the maid-servants.However hard-working the 'velai-kaaris' were and however sincere they were,they had their daily dose of accusations and bashings during the evening's discussions.No maami spoke ill of their wards or their husbands.

There was no means of arresting the fire-like flames of rumour and gossip that was the inherent attraction to the rendezvous.Every individual in the locality was carefully analysed,discussed and their lives dissected beyond repair.Sometimes even the relatives and second cousins of the flat residents were also not spared.There was no question of anybody entering the flat and looting anybody because every person entering the gate was carefully watched by hidden-camera-like eyes of the groups of maamis from the terrace top.

As the sunset occured,it was usually the time for these tired individuals to retreat to their houses.The beam of light from the light-house would start flashing against the the cement tank on the terrace and the tuneful noise of the mosquitoes would fill the area.One more eventful evening would come to an end as the ladies descended through the stairs to their respective floors.


Posted by rajesh |

Tuesday, July 06, 2004

Carpe diem

Thank God!It isn't possible!
Man has not been able to find a loophole to extend his life beyond an average of around 80 years!Whether the roadside beggar or the platform cobbler or the tea-shop owner or the bank clerk or the film actor or the billions of $ worth Bill Gates,everybody has the same quota of 70 to 80 years!Although this might sound too pessimistic,it is an undebatable fact:
The minute we're born we start dying
We die a little more every day!

The one sad thing when I think about this is that,people dont realise this and try to act stupid.I can't understand why one has to earn billions of dollars to live for just 70 or 80 years.I can come to terms with such a thing if Bill Gates had been endowed with eternity or even something like 400 years(oh...no..can't even fathom such a premium membership of an extended life to the elite) to live but instead just for him and his family of may be 15 close ones,does he need so much money and still waste his life worrying about the few more billions he would add to his unusable archive?I am not singling Gates alone,but just representing him on behalf of millions of those billion $ worth CEOs,million$ MTV cribs home owner-hiphop artists and sports players!

As I write this,I watch in the TV news that Marlon Brando left this world with a 200 million$ estate and millions of $ in buried bank deposits,leading to a major squabble among his legal and illegal sons,daughters,wives and husbands-in-laws!!The next piece of info they air is Brando's first wife accusing him of being a womaniser and the worst man she had ever come across in her life.

It is disgusting to watch such selfish,aimless people.He could be the greatest of actors and the best of all achievers in his field, but I feel the simple govt worker or a farmer who died peacefully as a penniless person,with all his sons and daughters crying by his bedside, has led a happier,meaninful life and has made much more of an impact during his stay on the earth!

If there was such a mysterious phenomenon of an extended life for 100 years with a price tag of a billion $,I wonder how this world would react to it.There would be large-scale mass lootings and killings.People like Laloo and Jayalalitha might be able to live for atleast 100 years more!!

Thank God..It isn't possible!

Posted by rajesh |


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